I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
