after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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