i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
