I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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