I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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