I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I pour the whiskey from now on
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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