i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
