She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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