Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Sober January is a disaster.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
