matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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