tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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