If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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