I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
