i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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