I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
