"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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