Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
