I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
