Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
