Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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