I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
