youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
