You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
