Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
