I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
