Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
