I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
