IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
