if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
