I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The feeling are messing with the penis
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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