doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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