I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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