I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
