hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize