when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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