I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
