I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
