I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
