I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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