what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
