you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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