girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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