theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize