I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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