Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
