Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
