There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
