Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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