So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
