My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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