well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
