Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
