ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
