My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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