She announced her abortion via fbk
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
