is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
