There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
