I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
