we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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