the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
