I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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