He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
