what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
