The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
