okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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