So drunk its hurt
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
