I molested 6 butterflies tonight
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
