I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize