i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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