Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize