Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
