I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
