I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
