Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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