I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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