Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
