and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
