My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
