You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
