my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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