we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
