I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
