There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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