SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
