dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
