life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
