Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
