I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
