dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
