You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
