just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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