Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
