They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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