Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Randomize