I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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