White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
